The World is Coming to an End!

My microwave took a dump.

There is no other way to say it. I was making poop drops (named by my son.) The thingy dinged, so I took the bowl out to stir the chocolate & butterscotch chips together, put it back in, hit “add 30 seconds” and <bzap!>; ‘whole thing blacked out. Like a moron, I actually tried pushing a couple of different buttons. Nothing. I checked the phone. (plugged in to the same outlet) Nada. Spartacus looked and is pretty sure it’s an internal fuse.

Here’s the kicker: I’m making Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow!

Yes, we had “real” Thanksgiving with the in-laws on Thursday, but if I don’t have a full week of turkey sandwiches, I get angry. That and the meat-eater kid down the street was born into a family of vegetarians so I promised him a turkey. (mental wandering: I wonder what his parents think of me? Maybe they’re relieved someone feeds him stuff he likes … Come to think of it, I’m also the Mom who takes the kids to Taco Bell and the local nasty-ass all-you-can-eat buffet that their parents shun. Nutrition? Screw that! Are you full?)

OK, so the microwave … in my world, this is potential disaster. I’m going to prepare T’Day dinner sans nuker? I think not! Hell, I’m ready to balance my checkbook* and march to one of two 24-hour WalMarts, thank you very much. Spartacus, on the other hand, would prefer to invest three bucks in a special wrench and four bucks in a fuse. You can all guess what my first thought was to this solution. My second was, “is the life insurance policy paid up?” Just call me Practical Patty.

(* actually balancing the checkbook prior to running to WallyWorld was my stab at ensuring domestic calm)

I bet you’re wondering what in the world a poop ball is, huh? They’re something my friend Vicky introduced me to. It’s homemade candy, easy on the work. You mix crushed wavy potato chips (like Ruffles) and crushed salted peanuts (the cheap ones) with a bag each of melted butterscotch and chocolate chips. Drop by small spoonfuls onto waxed paper and refrigerate. Viola - candy!

I’m planning on taking them to work. It’s my way of rolling my eyes at the skinny folks. Three weeks ago, somebody started a group weight-loss initiative. In my rush to be “one of the gang,” I signed up. When I realized what I’d done, I had to go to the organizer and tell her that I’ve been fat for six and a half years; six more weeks wasn’t going to kill me. Man, there is something about skinny people hearing an overweight person talk about being fat that makes them very, very scared. I don’t know it is. Maybe it's yet another one of those things nobody told me we're not supposed to talk about? ‘Reminds me of people whispering the “cancer” word. Anyway, the point of all of this is that a) I’m not going to diet during my favorite time of year. Favorite because of the food; screw the Yule tidings and all of that crap. Bring on the calories! and b) skinny people are weird.

I am currently very enamored by Big & Rich. I’ll save you the psycho soapbox, click on the link to visit their site. I usually steal my music of the 'net, (hey - it's only piracy if you're wearing an eye patch!) but actually went out and bought BOTH of their CD's in the last ten days.

I know I had other stuff to blog about but am drawing a blank. More later, I guess!

Y'all be patient with one another; remember - we're all stressed out!