promising, promising ...

'Had a meetin' with yet someone else at the ad agency today; they're still trying to put together a job description befitting of ... oh, who are we kidding; I'm still not TOTALLY sure they want me (I THINK they do) and they're still trying to figure out what they want a new person to do should they actually hire one.

'Have an interview at the local paper tomorrow for ad sales of some sort. Not exactly my idea of a good time, but at least it would be something, right?

'Husband is trying not to kill me. SUCH a good guy.

Child is begging for $$ to go bowling, which of course we don't have due to my snafu. Way to go, huh?

YEAH it's a good day!! (or is it?)

1) behind on laundry (no big deal usually) and one (or all?!?) of the cats peed on the biggest pile they could find.

2) for whatever reason, Washington Mutual decided to do a verbal employment confirmation ... at the job I quit the day after I faxed 'em the written confirmation!!! We were supposed to sign on the refinance on Monday ... Needless to say, the husband is now ANGRY at me for SO many reasons ...

3) the advertising world is not making my need for a job their priority.

4) no wait ... I guess that's it.

Good things: The cold sore is still here, but kind of has a Queen Amidala thing going on ... just an angry red strip on my bottom lip. I got a confirmation that I'll get my 401k payout in the next 10 days. (phew!) My older sister doesn't hate me for spewing vile things all over her via the telephone the other night. (phew, squared!) My son is happy and healthy ... AND GETTING AN "A" IN MATH!!!!

I suppose all things considered, there is really no need to hide under the covers after all.

Shit happens, right?

Darth Hideous

Me? Stressed out? No ...

Easy enough to convince others of before the onslaught of the single most hideous cold sore ever witnessed by mankind. I'd post a picture, but there would have to be warnings and waivers; we just don't want to go there.

I finally heard on Friday that the job I interviewed for was offered to someone else. "But wait," they said, "there's more!" 'Turns out they're morphing a position from one that is being vacated and adding in duties to meet needs that currently are hangin' in the wind. It would have no client contact, which is the opposite of where my skills lie (don't get me wrong; I can rock an internal client just as well as an external.) I'm on the distribution list for when they post it internally. I didn't get a real concrete answer on if they're posting it outside of the agency or not. We'll see, I guess.

But that leads to the very real world of "what if that doesn't work out?" I've sent my resume to a headhunter who hasn't responded, an old colleague that's in the HR department of a local university, a "placement" service and applied online for two positions.

The DT's continue. Man, will I be glad when this is over. I'd really like to know if I can live without happy drugs or not. (come on "CAN!") Maybe after BoyRD graduates high school I'll come to my senses and move somewhere with sun more than four months a year.

I'm dreading the fall season of TV coming up. It seems like every year, THAT is the big priority and I hate it. I'm assured this year will be different since we have a DVR.

OK, enough of negative Laura. I'm going to go make dinner/clean the kitchen.

A final note: Since I am currently out of work, anyone who wants to buy me a ticket to come see them is more than welcome to. :-)

Well, I've finally done it Ollie ...

I quit!

There were no fireworks; I didn't think he would understand if I told him anyway. It feels good to be out of there. Sort of like I'm repairing my soul.

Nothing on the interview from Friday yet. Mary Ann & CJ assure me I shouldn't call since I already called on Monday. 'Am now concentrating on "letting go and letting God."

More later! :-)

Here's a bracelet I made for a friend ...

Insomnia R Us

Once again I am faced with the "sure can't sleep" syndrome. The husband has to get up at 1:30am to go to his night job (because he's a rock star, but more on that later) and in the meantime I'm terrified of waking him up since he goes on about 3 hours of sleep. Add to this that he snores like a fricking she-bear and the world is a mighty sleepless place!

Symptoms of withdrawal are waning, I think.

My birthday is tomorrow, but the rock-star husband has been treating me to my very own Hannukah style birthday; a present every day for as many as he could afford. He couldn't help himself anymore and HAD to give me the "big" present today ... an iPod!! Twenty gigs of musical prozac. FABULOUS, I say! The best birthday gift, however, would be getting that job. I spent the whole day in emotional traction waiting for the call. Finally at 4:30, I gave in and called them. 'Turns out they hadn't reached a decision today and were going to meet in the morning. (more for the insomnia pile, right?) Among other wonderful gifts were two framed b/w pictures I had registered for at Target, (yup, I registered for my birthday & Christmas. I get the "deer in the headlights" every time someone asks me what I want, and this way people from near and far can act like they know exactly what would make me happy. God bless the internet!) the new Michael Buble CD, a gorgeous flower arrangement from my sister in Washington (pictured), a $50 gc to my favorite arts/crafts place from my mother-in-law, and something else I can't think of right now. (see: withdrawal symptoms)

I want to send a huge hello to my girlfriends I never talk to because I'm a horrible person. You know who you are: I sent you an email to get you here.

I close today with thoughts and prayers to all the victims of Katrina. If you've not done something, anything, please do so. (couch change works, people!)

The flu, right? Wrong ...

Recently I've been feeling very, very weird. Almost to the point of being miserable, but never quite there.

Physical symptoms include being itchy all-over, dizziness, stomach upset and fatigue. The mental ones are even more fun: severe irritability, short memory and the feeling of wanting/needing to rip the skin from my body and run around screaming the fuck word. LOUDLY.

Cracking up, right? I thought so too. 'Turns out that since I've decided to end my three year affair with the anti-depressant Celexa, there are withdrawals. I'd like to thank my doctor for not warning me that even though we did the slow-wean thing, I would still go through frickin' DT's! Sheesh.

Enough about that; other stuff is afoot.

1) BoyRDee went to his first school dance on Friday! I know he asked the neighbor kid how to slow dance with a girl, but apparently he didn't get his courage gathered quickly enough to ask her in the two-hour timeframe he had to work with. He did say, however, that he got to shake his groove thang on the dance floor with a whole group of people. THAT is a step in the right direction! That kid could easily slip into being a wallflower. It probably helps that every time he meets a woman from new job, they tell him how cute he is! Speaking of work ...

2) Can I tell you how much I HATE my job? From working for Satan himself to cleaning up someone else's barf, I can't for the life of me remember how I thought I'd be happy with this. So I interviewed on Friday at my favorite ad agency in town. I'll find out tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be offered the job or not. (despite REALLY, REALLY wanting it) I do know that I can not go back to the hotel of gloom and doom. That place sucks the life out of me. If all else fails, I do have about $1,400 I can cash out from a 401k. That will get us by for a month. But the thought of HAVING to find something in that month and half scares the bejesus out of me. I still feel good about "standing up for myself" (ie not doing something that I disliked just because I was good at it; I was good at Burger King drive-thru, too!) and leaving the old job. I was settling based on comfort, and that is no longer acceptable.

3) As for the marriage, it doesn't feel like settling. It feels more like I made a choice some years ago and I am trying to figure out whether the choice remains a good one or not. In hindsight, it was a very good choice at the time. Not fair in the methods I used to bag him, (literally) but now that he knows I connived and has flat out said it doesn't matter, it's easier for me to look at the here and now.

4) I let our little yard fixer-uppers go. Not being sure about keeping the better paying job combined with they were flakes made it a fairly easy decision. Unfortunately, now we're back to ME having to do the work. (damn it)


We watched the final LOTR last night. Am I the only person on the face of the Earth who can not fathom what in the hell is going on? There is too much action at once and the dialogue is often drowned out by the score. Good lord, you'd think that for as much money as they spent, they could have balanced THAT out ...

Must read: the retelling of Frankenstein by Dean Koontz. Good, good stuff man!

I never thought this would happen, but I woke up this morning, September 11, without thinking of it as "the day the world stopped turning." It is a good thing that time is healing or a horrible insight into my own self-absorption?