Recently I've been feeling very, very weird. Almost to the point of being miserable, but never quite there.
Physical symptoms include being itchy all-over, dizziness, stomach upset and fatigue. The mental ones are even more fun: severe irritability, short memory and the feeling of wanting/needing to rip the skin from my body and run around screaming the fuck word. LOUDLY.
Cracking up, right? I thought so too. 'Turns out that since I've decided to end my three year affair with the anti-depressant Celexa, there are withdrawals. I'd like to thank my doctor for not warning me that even though we did the slow-wean thing, I would still go through frickin' DT's! Sheesh.
Enough about that; other stuff is afoot.
1) BoyRDee went to his first school dance on Friday! I know he asked the neighbor kid how to slow dance with a girl, but apparently he didn't get his courage gathered quickly enough to ask her in the two-hour timeframe he had to work with. He did say, however, that he got to shake his groove thang on the dance floor with a whole group of people. THAT is a step in the right direction! That kid could easily slip into being a wallflower. It probably helps that every time he meets a woman from new job, they tell him how cute he is! Speaking of work ...
2) Can I tell you how much I HATE my job? From working for Satan himself to cleaning up someone else's barf, I can't for the life of me remember how I thought I'd be happy with this. So I interviewed on Friday at my favorite ad agency in town. I'll find out tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be offered the job or not. (despite REALLY, REALLY wanting it) I do know that I can not go back to the hotel of gloom and doom. That place sucks the life out of me. If all else fails, I do have about $1,400 I can cash out from a 401k. That will get us by for a month. But the thought of HAVING to find something in that month and half scares the bejesus out of me. I still feel good about "standing up for myself" (ie not doing something that I disliked just because I was good at it; I was good at Burger King drive-thru, too!) and leaving the old job. I was settling based on comfort, and that is no longer acceptable.
3)
As for the marriage, it doesn't feel like settling. It feels more like I made a choice some years ago and I am trying to figure out whether the choice remains a good one or not. In hindsight, it was a very good choice at the time. Not fair in the methods I used to bag him, (literally) but now that he knows I connived and has flat out said it doesn't matter, it's easier for me to look at the here and now.
4) I let our little yard fixer-uppers go. Not being sure about keeping the better paying job combined with they were flakes made it a fairly easy decision. Unfortunately, now we're back to ME having to do the work. (damn it)
We watched the final LOTR last night. Am I the only person on the face of the Earth who can not fathom what in the hell is going on? There is too much action at once and the dialogue is often drowned out by the score. Good lord, you'd think that for as much money as they spent, they could have balanced THAT out ...
Must read: the retelling of Frankenstein by Dean Koontz. Good, good stuff man!
I never thought this would happen, but I woke up this morning, September 11, without thinking of it as "the day the world stopped turning." It is a good thing that time is healing or a horrible insight into my own self-absorption?